Jarrett-Carter.com

First off, Usain Bolt is fast. Damn, that dude is fast. I know the result of his race, and I still want to watch and rewind it when it comes on this evening.

With that being said, it’s time for all of us to reevaluate what we know to be fast. And I’m not just talking about speedy or quick, but things for which we might have to totally readjust perceptions.

Here’s five ways to begin the deprogramming.

5. Fast women - There used to be a time where we could look at somebody like Karrine Steffans or Gabrielle Union and give them the label of fast. Thanks to Bolt, ain’t enough rappers or ballplayers in the world to hold that distinction anymore.

4. Fast money - Crystal meth has the dope game drying up. File sharing has the rap game drying up, and Barack Obama has the political hustle going Mojave. Aside from bootlegging DVDs, side hustles are no match for Bolt’s speed.

3. Fast Internet  - Since Comcast got busted for blocking people’s Internet access, you have to wonder if the Slowsky’s commercial was a subliminal message to the masses.

2. Fast food - Heart attacks, diabetes and strokes have a lot of people obstaining abstaining from the fast food poison. Those, and Dr. Ian Smith.

1. Fast reading - In the time it took you to read this and click on a few of the links, the next Usain Bolt growing up in some hood just ran to the coner store, drank a Mountain Dew and ate a pickle, and ran back home.

The only thing worse than athletes who don’t value their blessings of fortune and fame are broadcasters who wish they were in the same position to be hated. And such is the case with Bob Costas and former Olympic sprinter Ato Boldon, who criticized Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt for celebrating during his record-shattering 100-meter dash gold medal victory.

Bob Costas, while being one of the best sportscasters in television history, has been on a criticizing kick as of late. Not long ago, it was sports blogs. Now its Bolt, who next to Michael Phelps, will probably emerge as the larger-than-life Olympic story track and field has been famous for crafting through the years.

Costas’ commentary on Bolt’s celebration 85 meters into the race classified the moment as “disrespectful to the other competitors.” While it may not have made for the classiest of Olympic moments, it was no more contrived, or rude, or less picturesque than the American 4×100 relay celebration in their come-from-behind victory.

You can make the case that their celebration began once the race was completed. So did Bolt, about 50 meters in.

As for Bolden, who has done a golden job of commentary in Olympic sprinting analysis, he comes across as a player on both sides of the finish line. Immediately following Bolt’s victory, he marveled at the time left on the track that was occupied by celebratory measure. He, like the rest of the viewing world, gawked at the raw talent and exuberance of a sprinter who appeared to be as far ahead of his time as he was his competitors.

Combine this with the fact that Boldon has never done better than silver in an Olympic competition, and you have a strong case for sour grapes spoiling a truly sweet moment.

Costas and Boldon have worlds of talent in the broadcasting, but making a world-class moment a personal soapbox is universally small.

For all of its bluster, ESPN will be but a blip on the media radar of this summer’s Olympic Games in Beijing. Because the World Wide Leader is not a paid up broadcaster of the games, reporters and anchors that will be dispatched to Beijing will not be permitted to interview athletes inside the Games, or show highlights prior to the conclusion of NBC’s coverage.

From the USA Today report:

Like ESPN, which will deploy just eight staffers in Beijing — including Jeremy Schaap and George Smith as its only on-air types — trying to see what it can rustle up. It won’t be easy. Non-rights holders, even if they can get into official venues such as competition sites — where “mixed zones” allow athletes and media members to mingle — cannot bring in any recording devices — including cameras. The exception is the Games’ main press, but their footage or audio cannot be aired live. (And each day, ESPN can only air event highlights after NBC’s prime-time coverage ends — and then no more than six minutes on a news show.)

Talk about a slap in the face. The network that saturates our highlights, opinions and sports viewing habits can’t get into the world’s largest sports competition?

Oh well, guess there’s more time for the network to find ‘Titletown.‘