Jarrett-Carter.com

First off, Usain Bolt is fast. Damn, that dude is fast. I know the result of his race, and I still want to watch and rewind it when it comes on this evening.

With that being said, it’s time for all of us to reevaluate what we know to be fast. And I’m not just talking about speedy or quick, but things for which we might have to totally readjust perceptions.

Here’s five ways to begin the deprogramming.

5. Fast women - There used to be a time where we could look at somebody like Karrine Steffans or Gabrielle Union and give them the label of fast. Thanks to Bolt, ain’t enough rappers or ballplayers in the world to hold that distinction anymore.

4. Fast money - Crystal meth has the dope game drying up. File sharing has the rap game drying up, and Barack Obama has the political hustle going Mojave. Aside from bootlegging DVDs, side hustles are no match for Bolt’s speed.

3. Fast Internet  - Since Comcast got busted for blocking people’s Internet access, you have to wonder if the Slowsky’s commercial was a subliminal message to the masses.

2. Fast food - Heart attacks, diabetes and strokes have a lot of people obstaining abstaining from the fast food poison. Those, and Dr. Ian Smith.

1. Fast reading - In the time it took you to read this and click on a few of the links, the next Usain Bolt growing up in some hood just ran to the coner store, drank a Mountain Dew and ate a pickle, and ran back home.